Letter from my son

Dear Dad,
Let me first thank you for making me, I really appreciate it. So now I'm 10 days old, or 6, or 3, I don't know, I'm a baby. I just wanted to write this letter telling you what life is like as your son.
The day that I was born was an experience that I will probably forget. I heard that mom was pushing me out for 2 1/2 hours. Let her know that I'm sorry, but it was so warm inside of her belly. When I finally came out, it was nice to meet you and mom. When they put me on mom's chest, she started to cry. Well that made me sad and I started to cry. Why did everyone think that me crying was a good thing? I appreciate the people in the room sucking the crap out of my mouth and nose, but couldn't they let me breath before they put a thermometer in me and cut my foot open?
The hospital stay was nice. I'm happy that I was able to stay in the room with you and mom. The people that came to visit were great, but next time they come to see me, can you please tell them to turn off the flashes to their cameras; I like keeping my eyes open! The first night in the hospital was rough for you, mom, and I. I was so hungry all the time and I know it frustrated you and mom. I know you tried to help when you were rocking me, and walking around the room. And since I was up the whole night, the same football game that you were watching at 9, was great at 2 am, also. I did enjoy our first ever father-son time during that game.
The day I went home was a happy day. I know it was tough putting me in the car seat for the first time because of my crying, but I bet you were happy when I fell asleep on the ride home. I must say that our home is very nice. I must also say that my room is great, and my crib is comfortable.
Frankie is a nice dog and he has become my best buddy. I like that he lays with me when I nap, and checks on me when I am crying. The only thing is that I know Frankie loves me, but can he please stop licking my face and hands? It really feels icky!
I know that the first night home was frustrating for you and mom. You 2 did everything possible to make me stop crying and go to sleep. It was a whole new experience for all of us, and I was glad we were learning together. Tell mom I'm sorry I made her cry that night.
I know that I am hungry all the time, and tell mom I appreciate that she's always feeding me. I know that I get her out of bed a lot to eat, but I need the milk to grow. Please ask her to be patient, I will one day sleep through the night, if she's lucky! I know mom is not Super woman, but I do love and appreciate her very much.
I know I dirty a lot of diapers. Thank you for changing me all the time. I'm sorry that I peed on you and mom and I'm sorry that I dirtied a diaper as you were putting it on me. For never changing a diaper before, you're doing a pretty good job, dad.
I'm going to finish this letter with a couple of things you should know about me. I don't like anyone taking my clothes off because I get cold when they do. I also hate being swaddled. I was in a very cramped place for 9 months, and now that I'm out, I like my hands and feet to be free. Dad, stop getting so upset when I cry. Crying is the only way I can communicate. I cry when I'm hungry, sleepy, cranky, have a dirty diaper, when I want to be held, when I want to be put down, or just because I want to cry. So me crying is just me talking to you. Lastly, the doctor isn't that bad. Stop worrying every time that I go because I know she is helping me stay healthy. I'm in good hands when I go, so there's no need to worry when I am there.
I am very glad to be part of your family. Being the fifth generation of John is very special and I think its pretty cool. I know you and mom are doing the best you can do, and you are doing a very good job. I know you have many names for me, but as long as you call me your son, I'll be happy. Thank you for being a great dad, and I know that with your love, I will be a great man.

Love your son,

John

P.S. Love mom everyday. She deserves your love more than ever!